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The Secret Of Achieving That Goal You`ve Been Trying To For Years

The Secret Of Achieving That Goal You`ve Been Trying To For Years

Ever wondered what could be the reason behind you not achieving one of your goals, despite trying, and trying, and trying some more? For instance, have you been trying for years to lose weight, or been trying for years to get that senior promotion, or been trying for years to grow your business?

What if I was telling you that this could well be because you actually do not want to achieve your goal. Intrigued? Let’s discuss some more… I know that at first glance, it sounds completely illogical, and yet, it happens more often than you think, and indeed, could be happening to you right now and, for years. I know that it has happened to me before, and upon uncovering this out, saying that I was surprised is an understatement!

This is what your mind does when you set a goal…

Remember, how I’ve explained before that (and I’ll quickly go over this again) we are conscious of very little, since our mind is split into conscious (5%) and unconscious (95%), thus why increasing and boosting our awareness is key to help us progress and move forward, right? Well, sometimes, we set a goal in our life, career, or business, and we try, and we try, and we try some more and this without success, as we keep falling short of it.

In many of these cases, the reason behind you failing again and again is that you actually do not want to succeed. I know you are thinking something along these lines: “This does not make any sense at all, why would I set a goal, but in fact, not want it? Of course I want to achieve it.” and, of course you want to, but only with your conscious mind. You see, when you consciously set a goal, 5% of your mind is actually aligned towards it. This leaves you with 95% of your unconscious mind that can either be aligned or misaligned towards it. And, when it is misaligned, no matter how hard you try, you will keep falling short of it. 

If your goal is misaligned, no matter how hard you try, you’ll keep falling short of it. Click to tweet! 

This is one of those curious mind phenomena, and it is important to be aware of it, as it can explain why you have not been succeeding at one (or several) of your goals up to now. Consciously you want it, but unconsciously you don’t, and ultimately, you end up sabotaging your efforts and failing.

This is why your mind does it to you…

Now I’m pretty sure you are wondering: “Ok, so why am I self-sabotaging on something that I want?”, right? You do it – and remember this is unconscious to you till you decide to bring it forward to your attention now – because staying the way you are aligns with your reality as you perceive and believe it. So, at the unconscious level, it makes total sense for you to fall short of your goal.

Unconsciously, your mind knows that your goal is misaligned, as in fact, you do not want it, and it helps you fall short of it. This is often referred to as a “hidden benefit” or “secondary gain”. Let me give you some examples, using the goals I’ve mentioned at the beginning of the article.

Lose weight
=> A hidden benefit could be safety, believing that as long as you stay overweight, you avoid danger.

Get promoted to a senior position
=> A hidden benefit could be comfort, thinking that as long as you stay in a junior position, you avoid conflict.

Grow your business
=> A hidden benefit could be friendship, thinking that as long as you stay at your existing level, you avoid losing your friends.

See how this mind phenomenon operates? In all of these cases, your unconscious would be helping you as the “hidden benefit” outweighs the benefits of you achieving your goal. The why you would believe these things does not actually matter to help you turn things around. What matters is uncovering these hidden benefits.

This is how you can change your mind…

The solution lies in uncovering your “hidden benefit”; this is how amazing your mind is. As soon as we uncover it, we become conscious of it, and can then tackle it, and often make it disappear in the process. For some cases, following the below steps will help you immediately, for others, working with a coach to support you as you uncover your hidden benefit will be needed. I’ve helped many clients get rid of their hidden benefits, and seen them finally reach their goals.

Here is my M3 Power 4-step process:

Step 1 = Set a time aside, in a quiet place, without any distractions,

Step 2 = Grab a pen and paper, and at the top of your page, write that goal you’ve been trying to reach for years without success,

Step 3 = Answer the following questions (they may seem quite similar, and yet can trigger more answers, so go through all of them),

  • What are the benefits of not achieving my goal?
  • How does staying [insert relevant words, i.e. overweight, junior executive, small business] benefit me?
  • What are the advantages of not achieving my goal?
  • What does staying [insert relevant words, i.e. overweight, junior executive, small business] allow me to be/do/have?
  • What do I get out of staying [insert relevant words, i.e. overweight, junior executive, small business]?
  • Could anything negative happen to me when I reach my goal?
  • What benefits do I get out of failing?

You might need to repeat Step 3, 2 or 3 times, and might be surprised with the answers that come up; let these come up: remember, you are about to find out what it is that has been holding you back from achieving what you want, and that is great.

As soon as you have it – a pattern should start to emerge from the various answers you’ve written down, take a min to consciously take it in, and move to the next step:

Step 4 = Answer the following question:

  • How can I be [insert your goal benefit, i.e. slim, senior executive, big business], and still [insert your “hidden benefit”]?

It is important you list several ways to fulfil the need you’ve uncovered to make this happen – this is your responsibility, and you want to be as convincing as possible. See it as your job to convince your mind. Once it is convinced, you will be in full alignment, and will be able to progress and achieve your goal.

To wrap up, I recommend saying the following statement out loud to really make an impact, as you hear yourself say it:

“Up to now I’ve been staying [insert relevant words, i.e. overweight, junior executive, small business] because I believed it helped me [insert your “hidden benefit”]; however, I now realise that not only can I be [insert relevant words, i.e. slim, senior executive, big] but also [insert your “hidden benefit”] when I [insert your ways].”

This process helps you shed the light onto what is really going on deep down, by ensuring that the benefits of reaching your goal outweigh the benefits of not reaching your goal. Follow each of these steps, and get rid of what’s been holding back for once and for all, and finally achieve that one goal of yours that has been eluding you for years.

What do you think? I’d love to hear from you! Have you ever experienced this? Are you experiencing this right now? How excited are you that this process is going to help you move forward?

Please leave a comment and join the below conversation!

Until next time ;-)

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To your Mountain Moving Mindset,



Some of the comments received via Twitter:




Discover what leaders and organisations have to say about working with Frederique (in 1 sentence)!

From beginning to end, I was gaining the knowledge she was sharing with us. Joanna Skóra

Joanna Skóra

The feedback we received from the members who attended her keynote was terrific, and I, among many, left the room equipped to make positive changes in my life. Ronan Neacy

Ronan Neacy

Frederique’s unique presenting style, which I would I describe as passionate, energetic, fun and motivational, really adds to the powerful material she presents. Damien McLaren

Damien McLaren

Frederique lives her truth and is a vibrant presenter who has great passion, energy and positivity that is conducive to creating real change.” Mary Devine

Mary Devine

I have to say, that it was the most enjoyable, motivational, and indeed educational experience I have had for some time. The woman rocks, simple as that! Peter Simpson

Peter Simpson

Your talk opened up a door that was stuck – it triggered something… You gave me great inspiration, thank you. Una Williams

Una Williams

Frederique has a great natural speaking ability, with a dreamy French accent all rolled in to her Irish accent. I could listen to her all day. Siobhan Boucher

Siobhan Boucher

As well as using practical examples, Frederique demonstrated how we can implement her teaching in our personal and business lives. I've learned so much from her. Petia Jordan

Petia Jordan

What impressed me most about Frederique was her positive attitude which makes you see everything from a different perspective when everything in your life is falling apart. Dominika Miernik

Dominika Miernik

I had the privilege of hearing Frederique give one of her M3 talks yesterday. It was an inspiring hour, but above all it was practical! Carolyn Blunt

Carolyn Blunt

Frederique, you have wonderful energy and enthusiasm for life, and when you present you offer all of that and more. Gene Early

Gene Early

By day 3 of the event, I was utterly exhausted and finding it hard to fully believe that everything was possible. Then Frederique came on stage, and it was like having sunshine pouring off the... Judith Townshend

Judith Townshend

She was the star of the stage – WOW! She was magnificent! Thank you Frederique – the world is definitely blessed to have you shining amongst us. Sandra Louise Walsh

Sandra Louise Walsh

Frederique is an inspiring speaker who knows her stuff. She gets her audience engaged and delivers high-quality work. Junior Chamber International Dublin

Junior Chamber International Dublin

Frederique is someone you can completely entrust both your personal and business goals with. I loved every part of the programme. Gertrude Lawler

Gertrude Lawler

By changing your mindset to believe in yourself and your abilities, you can quite simply take on the world!!! Karen Leech

Karen Leech

Frederique offers not only a terrific energy that clearly conveys enthusiasm, but also on target insights that allow the audience to put into action her suggestions. Michele Rosenthal

Michele Rosenthal

Frederique is like a whirlwind...blowing away cobwebs and creating space for bigger and greater. She has the unique ability to inspire you to expand your mindset. Ntathu Allen

Ntathu Allen

I flew into Ireland for the event and the value I received from attending the event was amazing: I am totally focused and inspired now to achieve my goals. Anne Perez

Anne Perez

Frederique truly is an expert in her industry, and I recommend her as an outstanding speaker for your event. Silvia Pencak

Silvia Pencak

Frederique is the best at what she does; getting to the core of your limiting beliefs and helping you to stand in a more powerful place. Michele Welch

Michele Welch

All the work we did together left me with clear plans and strategies that I can use time and time again. Amy Brann

Amy Brann

She brings passion and enthusiasm; she is an engaging presenter, ensuring the attendees receive quality, informative and interactive content. Elaine Rogers

Elaine Rogers

Frederique is exceptional. There are few people who can keep up with the level of performance. Kate Cobb

Kate Cobb

It's powerful having someone on your side, pushing you to be the best you. I really do feel blessed to be working with someone who is so gifted. Gertrude Lawler

Gertrude Lawler

Frederique is an inspiration, an expert in her field and a lovely person who is passionate about helping people to realise their potential. Sue Cartwright

Sue Cartwright

Frederique’s talk was a unique and unforgettable experience. Her style was very captivating and she put her message across clearly and emphatically. Justine McGrath

Justine McGrath

She knows how to provide the BEST support and instils her own passion, inspiring you to not only do a good job, but become the best at what you do. Breda Stackpool

Breda Stackpool

Frederique really does deliver on her promise of high quality content that will have you heading in the direction you need to be heading. Mairéad Kelly

Mairéad Kelly

Despite technical glitches, Frederique engaged my audience, inspired them, and strengthened the objective of the conference. Amy A. Palmer

Amy A. Palmer

Frederique is a real inspirational expert in her field, you will learn so much on both a business and personal level. Tracey Wall

Tracey Wall

The fact that I now feel confident about taking the entrepreneurial leap is invaluable for me. I no longer fear the venture but instead I make things happen. Zoe Nowak

Zoe Nowak

Frederique is a committed, creative hardworking and compassionate coach whose upbeat positivity directly impacts anyone that chooses to engage with her. Brian Colbert

Brian Colbert

Do not be fooled by the fabulous smile – this is serious work with seriously good results! I feel reinvigorated and have absolute clarity in my plans. Poll Moussoulides

Poll Moussoulides

My sales have grown, productivity has increased and I am feeling happier about the progress I am making on all fronts. Rob Marr

Rob Marr

Frederique makes me believe that it's actually possible. I have confidence that I am capable of taking charge of my own life! Lauren Methena

Lauren Methena

Within 20 minutes we had a clear plan on how to solve a specific business problem I have been struggling with for months. Linda Spaanbroek

Linda Spaanbroek

Frederique is intelligent, skilled and highly motivated. She is inspiring to know and has a great ability to positively enhance the lives of those she works with. Owen Fitzpatrick

Owen Fitzpatrick

I had so many breakthroughs. I’ve been to so many courses before and breakthroughs just didn’t happen. This time, it was just absolutely amazing. Fiona Walsh

Fiona Walsh

Frederique brings a true passion, conviction and total integrity to her work. It's been transformative both for myself and my business. Sean O'Sullivan

Sean O'Sullivan

I discovered it doesn’t matter what your goal is. Frederique can get you there. I found it really incredible. Paddy Lavelle

Paddy Lavelle

Frederique has helped me hugely to see a much bigger picture than I ever imagined before I came. I owe her a great deal: Frederique is quite exceptional. Rita Marshall

Rita Marshall

It’s useful to be reminded that anything is possible, and that the way to create the life of my dreams is to keep going, believing, taking action and being me. Bennie Naudé

Bennie Naudé

I’ve been in business for over 12 years and this event has completely changed the way I want to run my business and just even run my life. Siobhán Guthrie

Siobhán Guthrie

Frederique has a magic quality. When you’re in her presence she just helps you to think bigger – so much bigger that you dare dream possible. Bernadette Doyle

Bernadette Doyle
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